


Longing

by purple_mango



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: And male receiving, Angst, But I'll probably think of more, Cuddles, F/M, Fluff, I think that's it - Freeform, Jealousy, Maybe - Freeform, Oral Sex, Oral female receiving, Platonic!Sam, Reader Insert, Rough Sex, Smut, Swearing, Uhm, Uhmmm what else, Well - Freeform, Wrote this for a fic fest, dirty talk if you squint, first posted on Tumblr, mentions of Nat, mentions of Tony - Freeform, oh!, so that was fun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-13
Updated: 2017-10-13
Packaged: 2019-01-16 17:28:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12347265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/purple_mango/pseuds/purple_mango
Summary: After two years of what you thought was a good relationship, Bucky breaks up with you out of the blue. It isn't before long though that he realizes he needs you in his life





	Longing

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on tumblr as part of a fic fest thing... I didn't like the format there so here it is

Laying on a blanket out in the open field behind the compound, you stared up at the stars trying to find the words to respond to Bucky.

Part of you wasn’t sure you’d heard him correctly, but the agonizing silence told you you had.

“Say something, doll” Bucky whispered.

You didn’t look at him, “What do you want me to say? That I’m okay with this? Because I’m not. I’ve done everything I possibly can the last two years to show you that I don’t care about your past and to show you how much I love you. You can’t sit there and expect me to be okay with this, after everything.”

He didn’t answer you. After what felt like several minutes, you chanced a look at Bucky. He looked so broken.

Your heart clenched and it felt like you’d been punched.

Sitting up, you could feel the anger turning in your stomach, “You know what? If you want to throw this away, throw me away, fine.”

You said nothing as you stood up and angrily stormed off towards your room. You didn’t look back at the broken soldier behind you.

You could barely see through the tears that were threatening to spill, but you were too stubborn to just let them fall.

When you bumped into a solid figure, your body betrayed you and the tears began to stream violently down your face.

“Y/N?”

You ignored him and attempted to push past. You were in no mood.

Steve grabbed your wrist and turned you to face him, “Y/N, what’s the matter? Where’s Bucky?”

“Why the fuck would I know?” You snapped, pulling your hand from his.

He stared at you, dumbfounded. Not giving him the opportunity to respond, you quickly made your way to your room.

Once inside, your let the damn break.

You let out an angry scream, your hands glowing purple as you lifted a chair and threw it at the opposite wall, satisfied as it smashed to pieces.

You knew you’d regret your actions in the morning, but for now you hadn’t a care in the world. The only thing you felt was anger.

After about ten minutes you were completely worn out. Crawling into bed, you curled into a ball and hugged yourself as you cried yourself to sleep.

Over the next few days, you did your best to avoid Bucky. Of course, there were several times where it was impossible, so you simply swallowed your pride and acted as though nothing had happened.

You were getting better at it, even acknowledging Bucky now and again. It was starting to hurt less and less as time went on, at least that’s what you told yourself.

You’d taken to Sam, reveling in his companionship. It was so easy to be yourself with him and he made life a litter bit easier.

Of course, you knew nothing would come of it. You two were just friends, and that’s all you wanted.

You were sitting in the living room with everyone watching a movie, cuddled into Sam’s side.

You were enjoying the silence, when Bucky walked in.

“James,” you acknowledged.

He looked at you, taking in your form intertwined with Sam’s. Making eye contact, he simply nodded and sat down on a recliner across the room.

You turned your attention back to the movie, listening to Nat make snide comments about how movies always romanticize the lives of assassins.

You felt Sam’s hand rub absentmindedly up and down your arm and you couldn’t help but look at Bucky. He was trying his best to focus on the movie, but you could see he was struggling. His jaw was tense and he was ringing his hands.

After a minute or two, Bucky shot up and left the room.

Sure, you felt bad, but he broke up with you. He had no right to be mad. You and Sam were just friends anyway.

Missions weren’t any different. You didn’t let your feelings interfere, you did your job and made sure none of your team got hurt.

Currently you were fighting a bunch of assholes with automatic weapons, cowardly hiding in the walls of a large, abandoned building.

You could sense all of them, and you did your best to tell everyone where they needed to be to take out the enemy.

“Cap, head down that hall on your left. About twenty feet down there’s gonna be a hidden room. There’s three guys in there.”

“Copy.”

You were outside taking out any of the men that either tried to enter or leave. Bucky was down with you, fighting off a swarm that had just gotten off a truck.

He was meticulously knocking them all out, and you could tell he did his best to not kill any of the men. He was trying to be a better person, one that didn’t kill everyone he fought.

That was one of the things he said to you the night he broke up with you.

_“Y/N, I love you. But I can’t do this anymore. I’m too dangerous.”_

_“What are you talking about, Bucky?”_

_“I still have HYDRA in my head. I’m dangerous. I don’t want to hurt you.”_

_“Buck, I’m safest when I’m with you. You would never hurt me.”_

_“You don’t know that!” He screamed._

_Seeing you flinch, he took a breath to compose himself, “I’m sorry, Y/N. But you don’t know that. I’m a monster. We can’t do this anymore.”_

You inhaled sharply at the memory. It was only a month since that night and the pain was still fresh, no matter how much you tried to act like things were okay.

You focused on the building once again after seeing Bucky was handling those men fine, “Sam, right above you.”

“Got it, princess.”

You knew everyone could hear that, including Bucky.

When you turned back to him, all of the men were on the ground.

Bucky stood up and turned to look at you.

You saw a bullet heading towards him from above. Throwing your arms up, you stopped the bullet where it was before turning your hand like you were opening a doorknob and watching it disintegrate.

Bucky gave you a small nod and you nodded back. For some reason, the interaction made your heart swell.

Steve’s voice echoed in your ear, “Is that everyone, Y/N?”

You scanned the building before closing your eyes and sensing the surrounding area, “Yeah, looks like we’re all clear.”

“Alright, head back to the jet everyone. Stark and I will meet you there.”

By the time you’d gotten back to the compound it was well after two in the morning. Although you were exhausted, you were determined to get a shower.

You said your goodnights to everyone before heading to your room.

You began to peel off your stealth suit, stopping when part of your suit was stuck to your ribcage.

Looking at yourself in the mirror, you could see there was a giant gash right under your left breast.

Inhaling sharply, you pulled the suit from your skin. In doing so, the sticky blood was removed causing fresh blood to seep from the wound.

You finished pulling the suit off before deciding the gash needed attention.

Standing naked, you did your best to patch yourself up before stepping into the shower.

The water brought out your sore muscles, making you extremely aware of how beaten up you’d gotten.

You weren’t sure how it happened, you thought you were careful. Sure, you were overcome by like seven guys, but you kicked ass. You didn’t think any of them had done any damage.

You stayed in the shower until the water ran cold then slowly dragged the towel up your skin to collect the water droplets.

Discarding the towel, you stepped out into your room to find pajamas and get ready to sleep.

You stopped when you saw Bucky sitting on the edge of your bed, staring at you.

“What the hell are you doing in here, Bucky?” you asked, not bothering to cover yourself up.

Bucky stood up and walked towards you a bit before stopping. Still, he hadn’t said anything.

You were beginning to feel small under his gaze, becoming more and more uncomfortable the more he stared at your naked form.

Looking down at the floor, you willed yourself to look back at him, “You actually gonna talk, or are you gonna just stand there and look stupid?”

“You’re hurt,” he whispered.

You looked down at your chest, hand moving to lift your breast out of the way to see what he was seeing, “I’m fine.”

You turned away from him, going to your dresser to get your clothes like you had planned on before you saw him there.

Bucky followed you, “Y/N, can we talk?”

You sighed, “Can it wait until morning? I’m really tired, James.”

Pain flashed across his features, he hated when you didn’t call him Bucky. You only did it when you were mad at him, “No.”

“Fine, then at least let me get dressed first.”

Bucky watched you as you pulled one of his old t-shirts over your head, without putting any underwear on.

You walked over to the bed and sat down, “What do you want to talk about?”

Bucky looked down at the floor, “How much of an idiot I am.”

“What?”

“Y/N, I’m a moron. I thought that the only way that I could protect you was to break up with you. I thought that you’d be safest without a monster like me in your life. I was so afraid that anything I said or anything I did was going to hurt you, and all of that just…” he trailed off.

Your heart was racing, you were hoping this was the apology that would fix everything.

Bucky’s fists were clenched at his side and he still didn’t look up at you.

You watched as he tried to collect his thoughts. Finally, you broke the silence, “You’re not a monster, Bucky.”

His eyes shot to yours at how soft and broken your voice sounded.

You continued, “I got hurt today, and guess what? It wasn’t your fault. I’m gonna get hurt no matter what, it’s part of the job. But you know what else? I know that you will never hurt me.”

Bucky didn’t take his eyes off of you as he sat down beside you on the edge of the bed.

“I know, I talked to Steve. I’m so sorry, Y/N.”

In the following silence, you could hear his arm whirring. Of all sounds, that was one that made you feel safe. It reminded you that the man you loved was real, that he was there with you and that he was safe too.

“When did you talk to Steve?” you asked.

“That night. He said he bumped into you after. He came out and found me and beat the shit out of me.”

“He did?”

“Yeah, he said I had no right to hurt you,” he took a deep breath, “I told him that’s what I was trying not to do, but he made it clear that that’s exactly what I was doing.”

He chanced a look at you before continuing, “I didn’t believe him. I still thought I was doing the right thing.”

Brushing a strand of what hair from your face, Bucky sighed, “I talked to Steve a few days later. He saw I was a wreck and he told me how bad you were doing. After a lot of talking, he told me to just take a little more time, to see. But then I saw you and Sam, man I hate that guy. I know he and I aren’t best pals, but I didn’t think he’d go and steal my girl.”

“He didn’t.”

Bucky’s eyes shot up to yours, “Really?”

You chuckled, “You really are a moron, Buck. Sam and I are just friends. He was there for me. If you paid attention, you’d see I lounge around with Nat and Steve too. Friends can cuddle too ya know.”

“You… and Steve?”

“And Nat.”

Bucky’s lips were on yours in seconds. The force of it knocked you down and Bucky climbed on top of you.

He kissed you like he needed to to breathe.  
You were gasping for air but you didn’t want to stop, you’d missed this too much.

Bucky’s lips moved down your neck, his tongue tracing lightly over where he had just bitten.

“Bucky,” you breathed.

Bucky was off of you now, standing at the edge of the bed and frantically pulling the shirt and sweats from his body.

You sat up and pulled your shirt over your head before positioning yourself in the center of the bed. You sat there waiting, watching as Bucky finished.

He looked over at you and his eyes flashed with desire.

Crawling up the bed, Bucky kissed you slowly and passionately.

Kneading your breast with his metal fingers, he gently pushed you down so you were laying on your back.

His lips were on your skin once again, slowly kissing his way down your body.

You watched as he made his way down between your legs, his eyes catching yours before he bent down and kissed your folds.

“Bucky, oh god,” you moaned.

You felt Bucky smile against you as he worked his tongue between your folds.

Throwing your head back, you took a minute to adjust to the pleasure washing over you.

You shuddered as Bucky’s metal arm wrapped around your leg and pinned you between the bed and his mouth.

Gasping, you did your best to be quiet, “Bucky, you feel so good.”

He hummed in response as he adjusted so his flesh hand was now under his face.

Bucky didn’t stop circling his tongue over your clit as he inserted his middle finger into you.

His movements grew faster and you chanced a look down at him.

He was staring right at you, his blue eyes shining in the light as he went down on you.

“Fuck,” you breathed. 

Throwing your head back again, you intertwined your fingers in his hair has he drew you closer and closer to completion.

You couldn’t control yourself anymore, you held Bucky in place as you ground down on his face. Bucky stayed still as best he could as you fucked yourself on his tongue and fingers.

Your movements were becoming frantic and you could feel yourself about to come undone.

It wasn’t until Bucky pushed his face forward and lightly bit your clit did you finally come.

You let go of Bucky’s hair, both hands going on either side of you to grip the sheets as Bucky worked you through your orgasm.

About a minute later, you brought your hands up to your face and covered your mouth as you took a deep breath, “That was…”

Bucky smirked, “so fucking hot. I missed that.”

You nodded, still a little foggy.

You reached your hands out like a child, motioning for Bucky to come over to you.

He let out a laugh as he hovered above you before pressing his lips to yours again.

You licked his lips and pulled away as he tried to fully kiss you.

He eyed you as you reached up and wiped your slick from his face, before pushing him onto his back.

Moving between his legs, you planted kisses all over his legs and around his belly button.

“Doll,” he breathed.

You bent down and slowly licked at his balls.  
You moved around until you found a spot that made his dick twitch against your face.

Smiling to yourself, you continued licking and sucking before finally moving to suck at his tip.

Chancing a look at Bucky, you noticed his eyes were pinched closed. You stopped with the tip of his penis still in your mouth and began working your tongue up and down.

Your eyes still on Bucky, you watched as his tongue poked out and licked his lips, a small moan escaping in the process.

You began to bob your head up and down frantically, your left hand moving to massage his balls as you worked.

Adjusting yourself so that you were hovering above him to fit more of his dick into your mouth, your nipples grazed over his thighs.

Bucky looked down at you, “Fuck, doll, you gotta stop.”

You locked your eyes with his and began moving faster, ignoring his request.

Bucky threw his head back but just as quickly, he shot up and pulled you from him.

“I don’t wanna come yet, babe.”

“But I was having fun,” you pouted.

“Trust me, me too. And as much as I’d love to come in that pretty mouth, I really need to fuck you.”

You smiled at him and bent down once again to suck him into your mouth.

Bucky pulled you up again and pressed his lips to yours, “I said stop it, doll.”

“Mhmm, well I want to make you come.”

“Okay,” Bucky slid off the bed and pulled you up with him.

He leaned down and kissed your lips before turning you around and bending you over the edge of the bed.

Bucky kneeled behind you and buried his face in you once again.

You could feel his tongue work in and out of you and your legs were already shaky.

Right before you were going to come again, Bucky stopped. 

Before you could protest, Bucky leaned over you, his lips brushing over the back of your neck. You could feel his hard dick pressing against you and you instinctively pushed back against him.

He moaned, “Baby, I’m gonna fuck you hard like this, then later I’m gonna take my time with you, that okay?”

You nodded and he kissed down your spine before straightening himself and thrusting himself into you.

You cried out as Bucky’s hips snapped against yours, the sound of skin on skin echoing hroughout the room.

Your fists were clenched in the sheets on either side of your head, but Bucky reached up to take your hands in his. He guided your arms behind your back, his pace not faltering once.

You clasped your hands together and Bucky placed his flesh had over yours, his way of maintaining tenderness, even in moments like these.

His metal arm whirred as his fingers gripped your hip. Bucky’s pace quickened as he fucked you.

“Harder,” you managed.

Bucky’s hips snapped into yours before pulling out slowly and slamming back into you.

He continued like that, no doubt watching his dick disappear in and out of you.

He slapped your ass and you cried out in pain and pleasure, “please.”

“Please what?”

You couldn’t form any other words so you muttered again, “please.”

Bucky chuckled behind you before pulling down a little so your ass was closer to him.  
Both of his hands were on your hips now as he set a frantic pace.

You couldn’t hold back anymore, “Bucky I’m gonna come.”

“Go ahead doll, I’m right behind you,” he managed.

As soon as he finished speaking you felt your walls clamp down around him as you came. Bucky let out a moan behind you as he came too.

You took a deep breath as Bucky pulled out of you and laid down on the bed beside you.  
You just looked at him, happy to finally have him back.

Bucky gave you a crooked smile then turned to look up at the ceiling.

“What?”

“Just, you don’t need to cuddle with anyone else anymore. You have me.”

“I do,” you got up to clean yourself up before plopping back on the bed beside Bucky again.

He watched your movements, taking you in.

You placed a kiss to the side of his mouth, “You can look at me more in the morning, but right now, I’m beat and wanna go to sleep.”

“I love you, doll.”

“I know,” you teased.

Bucky smiled as he wrapped his arms around you and pulled you to him and closing his eyes.

 


End file.
